


The Journal of Theo Raeken

by cherrysprite



Series: Quarantine Fics [24]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blankets, Blankets as a love language, Crying, Diary/Journal, First Kiss, Getting Together, Good Theo Raeken, Homelessness, Hurt Theo Raeken, Light Angst, M/M, Moving In Together, Protective Liam Dunbar, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Theo Raeken Needs a Hug, Theo Raeken needs a warm bed and a grilled cheese sandwich, There are tears for sure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25209301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrysprite/pseuds/cherrysprite
Summary: He takes the book in his hands and throws it at Liam’s chest so hard that if he were a human, it would bruise. 'Read it then!' He shouts as Liam looks at the journal that’s fallen into his lap. 'I think my thoughts about you were pretty fucking clear on every page your name is on, but read it. June 13th, since you somehow don’t know.'"Theo goes to therapy, and his therapist suggests that he keeps a journal for six months. All is going well, even if it's a little annoying to write down his every day life - until he makes the mistake of leaving it somewhere for Liam to find.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Series: Quarantine Fics [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691383
Comments: 11
Kudos: 244





	The Journal of Theo Raeken

**Author's Note:**

> Starting off, I want to say that I did NOT mean to have this be 14 THOUSAND WORDS in the beginning...I wasn't sure how long it was going to be, but I didn't think it was going to get THIS far.  
> Anyways, let's go!

_ “May 17, 2018 _ _   
_ _ It’s been about a month since I started writing, and I’m still not sure what the point of this is. I don’t see how writing down the events of my day-to-day life is meant to help anything.  
_ _ It’s all irrelevant anyway. Do you REALLY need to know the mundane, tiring things that go on now that I’m back in the public school system as a nineteen year old? Do you REALLY need to know what I ate for lunch and what grade I got on a chemistry quiz I could’ve passed in eighth grade? Do you REALLY need to know about my stupid thoughts about Liam’s eyes being distractingly blue under fluorescent lights? _ _   
_ _ I don’t think so, so forgive me if I continue to not understand how this is supposed to help me cure anxiety or whatever other things you seem to think I have. I guess it doesn’t really matter. I think that this journal bullshit is you just wanting a paycheck. _ _   
_ _ Plus, I want to remind you how humiliating and possibly dangerous it could be if I managed to lose track of this. I’d not only be Theo Raeken, Beacon Hills’ Villain, I’d be “Theo Raeken, the guy who writes his feelings in a diary and has to go to supernatural therapy.” My fragile social standing and dignity in this pack would be ruined. You’d be the only one to blame.  _ _   
_ _ Anyway” _

“Theo, can I talk to you for a sec?” 

Theo’s interrupted from his writing, so startled that he slams the leather-bound journal shut and almost drops his pen on the floor. If Liam notices his frantic movements, he doesn’t mention it. Liam’s been around him long enough now that he’s probably gotten over being suspicious of Theo’s every movement. He hasn’t killed anyone or even gotten blood on his hands (on  _ purpose _ ) in almost two years now. Liam seems to be taking that as progress. 

Theo looks up at him from where he’s sitting in a chair in the library, quirking one eyebrow up. “What?” He asks, trying to keep up the image of being disinterested, but he really is wondering what Liam thinks is important enough to interrupt him with. For the most part, Liam leaves him alone and shoots him a text instead.

“We need to do some research on Wendigos before the first full moon hits.”

It’s put reasonably, but Theo just wants to piss him off. “Could I ask why?”

It doesn’t work, since he’s actually caught him with that one. Liam’s cheeks tinge pink and he shrugs. “Uh…Mason implied it was important, and I’ve found it’s usually better to take his word for it.”

That’s fair, at least. Theo nods, glancing over at the other members of the group Liam’s affectionately called the “puppy-pack,” a name Theo hates but has come to accept, since it’s not like he’s a part of it either way. Alec, the new werewolf that Scott rescued and then promptly left when he went off to college a few months ago, has his head bent over a science textbook and looks way more stressed than what’s healthy. Mason and Corey are holding hands under the table, sappy as always as they look through the bestiary. Nolan’s twirling a pencil between his fingers, which pretty much sums up what he generally does as part of the pack. It doesn’t seem very compelling, but Theo gets up from his comfortable chair anyway.

He slides his journal into his bag, planning on finishing the unnecessary entry when he gets back to his truck, but he doesn’t close his backpack. When he tosses it onto the table just to make a heavily-focused Alec scowl at him, he doesn’t notice the contents of his bag jostling and sliding around, and doesn’t notice that the assortment of books all across the table makes for a camouflaged environment for a lost journal that slips out.

+++

Mason, Corey, and Alec are already gathered at Mason’s locker, talking about the gruesome things that Wendigos actually  _ do _ , when Nolan comes bounding up to them with a smile that says he knows something they don’t. Alec, who’s taken a liking to Nolan since they’re both the same breed of clueless, snarky assholes, notices it right away and narrows his eyes. 

None of them even have to say anything before Nolan breaks into a full-blown grin. “You guys will  _ never _ guess what I found in with the books I took from the library last night,” He teases, sliding his bag off one shoulder and starting to unzip the main pocket. The conversation from the others dies out as they all look at him with interest, or about as much as they can muster at seven in the morning. 

Alec indulges him. “What is it?” He asks, folding his arms across his chest as Nolan drops his bag on the ground. In his hands, he’s holding a leather-covered book that looks like any other sketchy supernatural relic, so nobody thinks much of it at first. 

“If it’s about how Wendigos eat the  _ bones _ too, we already know,” Corey says as Nolan tosses it from hand to hand to tease them.

Nolan’s face scrunches up into a look of incredulous disgust for a second. “Ew. _No_ ,” He says, then bites his lip, gearing himself up for the reaction he’s going to get. He flips the book around so that they can see the cover, which has a tiny _“T.R.”_ carved into the corner with a claw. “Did you guys know that our very own _Theo_ _Raeken_ keeps a _diary_?”

While he’d been annoying with his teasing, the reaction is certainly worth it. Mason’s eyes go wide with amusement and he reaches for it out of reflex. Nolan holds it back from him, wanting to read it himself.

“You guys are lucky. I’ve wanted to read this for  _ hours _ , but I was waiting for you guys first,” He snickers, flipping through the pages until he gets to the first one. Theo’s left four pages in the beginning blank, even going as far as to disguise them as scrap paper for math equations, as if that’s going to fool anyone. Nobody writes their math problems in a  _ leather _ book, and everyone knows that Theo wouldn’t need to write things down to calculate them, anyway.

Nolan clears his throat as the other three gather around, Alec resting his hands on Nolan’s shoulder as he gets on his tiptoes to read with him. “Here’s the first entry on April twentieth…”

_ “April 20th, 2018 _ _   
_ _ I want to get one thing clear right here and now. I’m only doing this because you’re making me, not because I want to. Honestly, I think it’s backwards that you’re requiring it in order for me to pass the program. It’s hypocritical to do that after you told me in the beginning that there’s no objective to therapy that I have to follow. _ _   
_ _ So far, I don’t think you’ve helped me with anything so far, so I’m hesitant to believe” _

“ _God_ , why does he have to be eloquent in a fucking _journal_ _entry_?” Nolan interrupts, scoffing. 

“ _ Shush _ , keep reading,” Corey scolds. Nolan swats at him with his free hand and balances the journal in the palm of the other.

_ “So far, I don’t think you’ve helped me with anything so far, so I’m hesitant to believe that this book will fix anything. Writing down my problems actually seems like the most depressing outlet you could’ve given me.  _ _   
_ _ Yet, as much as I already hate this, I don’t like going to therapy sessions, either. I guess I’ll start with the basics, then. You already know some things about me, so I’ll start with other people. _ _   
_ _ Mason Hewitt is pretty much the glue that holds their pack together. Out of the other ones, he’s definitely the smartest and somehow knows the most about all of this even though he’s human. Although, he might not be. I’ve heard he has a 4.8. I’ll admit that I didn’t know that was a thing someone could do. _ _   
_ _ Corey Bryant is right there with him. They’re usually making out. I can say that on good authority because I’ve calculated, out of pure annoyance, that approximately 6/10 times I look over, that’s what they’re doing. Other than that, he’s helpful enough. _ _   
_ _ Alec Johns is new and still getting used to being a werewolf, so he’s about as annoying as one would expect him to be. He’s tried to bite me once, literally. I think the dog was ingrained in him from the beginning, shift or not. _ _   
_ _ Nolan Holloway has admittedly been doing a lot better after the whole ‘trying to kill everyone’ incident. He’s still kind of a spazz, but he stays out of the way, and I appreciate that. _ _   
_ _ Liam Dunbar is… _ _   
_ _ Liam’s okay.” _

By the time Nolan’s done reading the introductory entry, Liam’s walking down the hallway towards them, zoned out while listening to music and not having heard any of it. When he notices everyone gathered around Nolan laughing at something, he takes his earbud out and tries to listen.

“Damn, he really called me a spaz on the  _ first _ page,” Nolan scoffs through a smile. 

Alec shrugs. “Well, I mean, you  _ are… _ ”

Liam stops in front of them, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and interest at what everyone’s laughing at so early on a Wednesday morning. “What’re you guys looking at?” He asks, trying to get a glimpse of what’s in Nolan’s hand and unlock his locker at the same time.

Nolan snickers. “Theo left his journal in with a bunch of library books. I accidentally took it home last night,” Nolan says amusedly, thumbing through the pages in search of something else.

  
“What?” Something in Liam’s stomach settles with discomfort. _ Theo writes a journal? _ Thinking back, the book in Nolan’s hands is the same one Theo had slammed shut in front of him yesterday night, meaning it was private. The idea of the pack looking at someone else’s business, especially  _ Theo’s _ , doesn’t sit right with him. Liam turns away from his locker and looks at them all with concern that none of them seem to notice. “You guys really shouldn’t be looking at that, that’s private.”

Even Mason, who’s usually the voice of reason, still has his eyes glued to the pages Nolan’s flipping through. “Yeah, but there’s some  _ really _ interesting stuff in here, Li,” He says. 

“Yeah, just listen,” Alec says after he manages to wrangle the book away from Nolan. He flips to a random page and Liam sighs.

“I don’t want to  _ hear _ it-”

_ “Ruby Barnes has to be the bitchiest person I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting, and it doesn’t make up for it at all that she shares a name with the best Marvel character. She still spilled paint all over my only jacket and hasn’t apologized for it yet, and I’ll continue to hold that grude rightfully until she does.”  _

“I always thought Ruby was a perfectly nice girl,” Alec comments after he’s done reading. Mason nods and laughs.

“Theo likes Marvel! I didn’t know Theo likes  _ Marvel _ ,” Mason considers, looking at Liam with wide eyes. Liam rolls his own and makes a grab for the book, only to have it taken away by Nolan.

“That’s not the  _ point _ , give me that-” Liam breathes as it’s snatched backwards. 

Nolan uses his six-inch height advantage to toss the book right over to Corey, who flips to a new page at random. “Here’s another one,” Corey says as Liam struggles to get it back.

_ “Remember Nolan, the spastic one? He invited me for a movie night on Friday. I can’t go, since I have to work, but it surprised me anyway. _ _   
_ _ Even if I didn’t have to work, I’m not so sure I’d go anyway. Half the time, I don’t think the people I’m supposed to believe are my friends even like me.” _

Corey’s smile fades as he reads that last part, along with everyone else’s a second later once they register the words hanging in the air.    
  


Liam, who wasn’t smiling in the first place, feels sick to his stomach.

They all look at each other for a second, standing there stunned, while anger boils up in the pit of Liam’s stomach. It’s not the violent, burning type of anger that makes Liam want to punch and destroy that comes along when someone steals his things or makes fun of him. It’s the deeper, rarer kind of anger that makes him feel sick and like his head has been thrust underwater, the kind of anger of knowing that he can’t do anything to fix it because it’s not  _ about _ him.

Liam blinks, his lips parted and breath gone shallow. “...He thinks we don’t like him,” He says quietly. 

Corey bites his lip. Alec and Nolan both look at each other. Mason rocks back and forth on his heels.

Liam seethes. “ _ This _ is why,” He grits out, “You don’t read other people’s shit.”

This time, Corey lets Liam snatch the journal away from him. He tucks it under his arm, feeling wrong just touching it, but unwilling to let it get into the hands of anyone else. 

Mason, as if he wasn’t just begging Corey to read more from the journal, tries to find a positive in this. “But...isn’t it better to know? So that we can do something about this?”

Liam wants to smack him over the head. “ _No_!” He shouts, making a few people in the hallway give him dirty looks that he ignores. “ _Jesus_ _Christ_. You all _suck_. _All_ of you.” The other four all either look guilty, defensive, or both, but Liam’s not in the mood to spare their feelings. He slams his locker shut, makes sure the journal is secure under his arm, and starts walking off. “I’m serious. You’re the _worst_.”

+++

Theo doesn’t end up completing the entry for the seventeenth, but it’s not only because he unknowingly misplaced the journal. Liam and his little band of misfits kept him at the library during after hours  _ way _ too long, so as soon as he got in his truck and drove to the clearing he’d found in the preserve, his only priorities were falling asleep and staying that way. He curled up in the backseat with his ratty and thin blanket, flat pillow, and the warmest hoodie he had for a decent night’s sleep that resulted in a backache.

When he wakes up and cracks his spine, he rolls his eyes, thinking that that’s one of the things Dr. Morell might want to know about. He checks the time on his phone, sees that he still has an hour to go until he has to make himself presentable and head to the school, and blearily grabs around in the front seat until he finds his schoolbag.

He smacks his lips, hating the taste of his own morning breath as he roots around aimlessly in the main compartment of his bag. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes with the other hand, looking out at the grey sky and tall trees from the backseat window, and it’s not until he realizes that he doesn’t feel the familiar smoothness of leather that he looks away. His eyebrows furrow in both confusion and indignance, not even wanting to  _ consider _ the worst case scenario.

“ _ Where… _ ” He trails, looking in his bag and finding that the journal isn’t there. He goes for the next compartment of the bag, the smaller one towards the front. Sometimes when he’s in a rush, like he’d been last time he wrote in the journal, he shoves things in there on accident. His blood runs cold and his heart stops when he looks into it and all he sees are a few stray pencils and a gum wrapper.

From there, it’s a desperate, wide-awake flurry. He just about tears his truck apart looking for where the journal could’ve gone, but he finds nothing. Under the seats, nothing. Glove compartment, nothing. Pockets on the backs of the seats,  _ nothing _ . 

Theo has a lot of pride, pride he keeps as a wall in front of him, but by the time he sits back down in the backseat out of pure exhaustion, he cries out of pure frustration. He hates losing any of what little he owns, but he would have dealt with the loss of one of his other notebooks or his earbuds. Of course the thing he lost had to be the one thing that would be the worst to have out there. 

He digs the heels of his hands against his eyes so hard he sees spots, then angrily wipes the tears that have only had the chance to track halfway down his face. He has school in half an hour now. He’ll just have to look for it there.

+++

The nauseous feeling doesn’t leave Liam during first period. He gets to his desk in the back of the room and plunks down. The journal is in his bag, tucked in between his history textbook and Spanish binder, having taken extra care to hide it from any one of his nosey classmates who might try and steal it out of the bag. 

He chews on the eraser cap on his pencil anxiously. All he can think about is the damn journal and what Theo had written in it, and that was only a few  _ sentences _ . If Theo really feels that way and can say it so casually, written into just another daily event on a page, Liam wonders what it’s like to see him  _ really _ vent about it.

It’s excessive to say it again, but Liam really does feel like he’s going to be sick. 

Ever since Theo came back to school to complete his four years of high school, he’d kind of fallen in with the pack in a way Liam had only ever assumed was natural. Theo did normal pack things; he came to the impromptu meetings Liam held sometimes, hung out with them during passing times between classes, and helped with things like the Wendigo research situation. Not  _ once _ had Theo complained about any of it. He did it with either a blank, if not slightly annoyed, expression, and sometimes even the ghost of a smile.

Liam had thought Theo was  _ happy _ where he was. That was all Liam had ever tried to do for him these past few months - make sure that after everything he’d gone through, he was happy and as adjusted as he could be.

Clearly, he isn’t doing enough.

It upsets both the human part of him that  _ cares _ about Theo and the wolf part of him that gives him the natural leader instinct; he’s supposed to care about and  _ for _ Theo, and he’s not doing a good enough job. Theo feels this way, and that’s  _ his _ fault. It slips his mind entirely that anyone else could be involved. All Liam feels is guilt and shame, swirling around within him like a heavy, overwhelming storm. 

And he knows it’s wrong as he’s doing it, but he can’t help himself.

That night, while Liam’s trying to fall asleep, his eyes keep landing on his schoolbag sitting on his dresser across the room. He was too caught up in his worries to make a plan on what the hell he’s going to do with the journal now that he has it in his possession, so it’s still sitting between his textbook and binder. All Liam can think about is what else Theo might’ve said when it’s not being monitored.

He turns on his lamp and strides across the room to get it before he can change his mind. His thumb rubs across the carved initials in the front of it, and his mind briefly flits to the initials that the seniors write in permanent marker on one of the bookshelves. It reminds him of Theo’s fucked-up teenage experience, one that should’ve gone normally so he could put his initials on the shelf last year.

Liam shakes off those thoughts as he settles back into bed, propping himself up on his pillows and headboard. He has to make room for even  _ worse _ thoughts. He takes one deep breath, telling himself that he isn’t automatically a terrible person for doing this, and opens up the journal.

He reads the first entry and his lips part. Not only does Theo write a journal, he writes one for  _ therapy _ . He hadn’t heard a  _ word _ out of Theo about therapy, let alone sessions guided by someone who actually knows about the supernatural. He reads the descriptions of the puppy pack, figuring out why Nolan was commenting about being a spaz, and finds that he barely has a description written in for Liam. He reminds himself that he’s not looking to try and find dirt or see what Theo’s written about him in particular and then turns the pages until he finds something. Some entries are just a few sentences, there because they have to be, but others are pages long. He stops on one that’s one page in Theo’s larger handwriting.

  
  


_ “April 25, 2018 _ _   
_ _ There was a lacrosse game tonight. I think I’d like to play lacrosse if I had the money. Liam, Nolan, and Corey seem to like it, and Alec and Mason never stop their fawning over it. Still, it’s just too much. I really doubt the team would take me, anyway. Liam’s said that they’re only keeping him and Nolan there as co-captains on thin ice, so I’m sure they’re not looking to add anymore ‘monsters’ onto the roster. _ _   
_ _ I watched the game anyway, since I’m at least allowed to do that; I tend to fade into the crowd there, and it’s dark so no one can see me anyway. Beacon Hills won 13-1, most likely aided by the fact that one of our co-captains is a literal beast, and Devenford Prep walked away angry. I wonder how long it’ll take until teams start forfeiting against ours by default since they don’t want to exhaust their players with even trying.” _

_ “May 1, 2018 _ _   
_ _ Apparently, Liam and his friends celebrate April Fools’ day a month late just to be annoying. I’d forgotten about it entirely until my entire locker was full of fine glitter, undoubtedly put there by Alec. I always knew Alec didn’t like me very much, but I didn’t think he’d go that far. I had to take my jacket to the laundromat and have it cleaned three times, which seriously cut into my budget.  _ _   
_ _ At least Liam’s prank wasn’t mean. All he did was replace my celery with carrots while I went to go get a spoon. He smiled like an idiot when I got back to the table, and I pretended not to notice. I like carrots better anyway.” _

  
  


_ “May 4, 2018 _ _   
_ _ There’s a dance coming up soon, and it makes me wonder if I should try to go to it. I’m not going to, but it would definitely be interesting to think about it if I did.  _ _   
_ _ It’s weird enough being a nineteen year old who’s still in high school, but it’s weirder when you have a whole bunch of problems so that no one even wants to cross your path in fear of you snapping. They have every right to, of course. I’m responsible for so much, and I’ll never be able to forget it. _ _   
_ _ There’s no point in trying to have a normal high school experience with all that I’ve done. Nobody at the school actually likes being around me. I can tell by the pitying look in their eyes. The puppy pack is the worst with doing it, especially Liam. I can always tell they’re just waiting for me to break down or leave, but they won’t have to wait much longer. After I get my diploma, I’m saying ‘fuck it’ to Sheriff Stilinski’s warnings not to leave the town and going somewhere far away where I won’t bother anyone ever again. _ _   
_ _ That’s one of the benefits of living in a truck, too. You can just up and leave whenever you want to. Believe me, if I weren’t so close to graduating already, I’d have been gone weeks ago.” _

Liam’s head is positively  _ swimming _ . His fingers grip at the sides of the journal so hard he almost bends the pages, but they go more and more slack the more words he reads. There’s so much to unpack and he can’t wrap his head around it all.

Theo doesn’t think he’s  _ needed _ ,  _ wanted _ , or part of the pack, and Liam can’t tell if this is more or as equally as alarming as the other things, but he’s  _ homeless _ . That burst of inferiority and shame comes back like a punch in the stomach. How could he have not seen it before? How Theo stayed in the background because he thought he  _ should _ , how he was constantly at school or at work? That he’s anxious from all the stress of having the past he does, and on top of it, living out of his beat-up truck that still has bulletholes badly patched over in the drivers-side door?

As much as he wants to, feels like he needs to, Liam simply can’t read anymore. He slams the journal shut, shoves it into his bag, and lays on his side, eyes wide open in thought. His pillow is too warm and he’s wide-awake; too many thoughts are rolling over him all at once.

He can’t imagine what Theo would  _ do _ if he found out Liam read what he wrote. He’d probably shut down, because that’s what Theo does. He’s more calm and collected than anyone in the pack, keeping things shut inside if it’s about himself, so if Liam just  _ gives _ him back the journal, he could expect Theo to be gone in the next twelve hours. 

He’s already on his way out of Beacon Hills in a few months, and that  _ hurts _ . It hurts deep and stabbing, like Liam has a knife in his chest, and he knows that even if he has to lie, he has to do something about it. There’s a place for Theo in Beacon Hills, he knows it. And if there isn’t, Liam will  _ make _ one.

They have a meeting scheduled after school at the library tomorrow afternoon - that’s when Liam decides he’ll indirectly give Theo the journal back. Nolan said he lost it with the books that they had strewn out, so he’ll just put it right back on the table for Theo to find. No harm, no foul.

After that, Liam will work.

He spends half the night awake working on a plan.

+++

Liam puts his plan into motion the next day. He slips the journal back underneath a book about supernatural relics and on top of another about legends before Theo gets to the library. The others have been sworn to secrecy. As far as they’re concerned, they’ve never read anything in the journal or have any knowledge that it exists, and neither does Liam. From here on out, for as long as it needs to stay that way, they are four guys who are none the wiser.

Alec and Nolan sit on one end of the table, Mason and Corey sit at the end parallel to the stack of disorganized books, and Liam sits across from Alec and Nolan, saving a seat near the book stack for Theo. They all look at each other with a certain kind of anxiety of knowing something they shouldn’t, and they try to wipe any unusual expression off their faces when Theo comes in. 

He looks tense, Liam notices. He’s obviously noticed that his journal’s been missing, and though Theo usually doesn’t show a whole lot of emotion on his face, Liam can see that there’s something anxious in his eyes. It’s like he’s waiting for one of them to yell at him for something, but of course, they don’t. Liam smiles politely and as casually as he can before nodding to the seat next to him. Theo’s eyes flick down to it for a second, but he takes it and slides his bag off gently towards the floor.

The only noise between all of them are turning pages and the scratching of pencils and pens on notebook paper. Liam’s told them to act like it’s business as usual, so they’re still taking down any facts they think could be important about Wendigos and their history. Next to him, Theo takes a deep breath and leans against the table to take a book off the stack. Just as Liam had set them up, he takes the book about relics, the one with his journal underneath.

He sees the moment that Theo’s eyes land on it. They widen for just a second and there’s a spike in his heartbeat, one that Theo obviously doesn’t mean to let forward considering how well he’s still managing to hide his chemosignals. He doesn’t waste any time in grabbing it. He doesn’t snatch it off the table, but he slides it quickly and silently into his bag without a second thought. Liam and the others purposely don’t look at him when he does.

Slowly but surely, Theo gets less tense and guarded as he sits there, guided to peace by a good enough job of pretending to be ignorant from the others. 

In order to not be suspicious about it and tip Theo off, Liam waits at least twenty minutes until he speaks up. “I was thinking we could have a movie night tomorrow,” Liam says, putting his pen down on his notebook decidedly. Everyone looks up at him in interest - everyone except Theo, that is. He keeps his head down and his eyes scan the sentences in the book like no one spoke at all. “Maybe not  _ horror _ , all things considered, but I thought we could order pizza and stuff.”

Nolan nods. “Yeah, that sounds cool,” He says, and the other three agree. Liam smiles, but he’s not all satisfied. He turns to Theo, who still isn’t bothered. 

This is where he’s screwed up before, not asking Theo specifically if he wants to come, too. He just assumes he isn’t invited, even when he is. “Theo?” He prompts. The chimera looks up from his book finally and raises an eyebrow at Liam. “Are you coming?”

Theo seems to consider it for a minute, but being as well-guarded as he keeps himself, Liam can’t tell what’s going through his head. The only thing he gets is a hint of confusion in the twitch of Theo’s left eyebrow. Still, he nods once. “Sure,” He says, then looks right back at his book to stay quiet for another half-hour or so.

Liam tries not to grin like an idiot when he turns away.

+++

_ “May 20th, 2018 _ _   
_ _ What I said yesterday about this journal might not be entirely true. While it’s completely accurate that losing it caused me way more dread than pretty much anything else these last few months, I will admit that I enjoyed the one night I got an excuse from writing in it.  _ _   
_ _ Tonight I went over to Liam’s for pack movie night. This time, he actually invited me. I only really went because he asked and I figured he would pitch a fit if I refused, but I had off work anyway, and it was kind of nice being there. Mason and Corey are even clingier to each other when they’re not on school grounds, which I would have rather not seen, but other than that, it was fine. We all hung out in Liam’s bedroom and Liam let me sit on the bed with him. I tried not to fall asleep there. Liam also ordered pizza and I tried to chip in, but he wouldn’t let anybody help him. The pizza was good and warm. I haven’t had that in awhile. _ _   
_ _ Now that I’m done with the daily report, I’m going to sleep. Next time I get a paycheck I’m buying a new blanket, one like the soft one Liam has.” _

+++

Liam keeps inviting him over to do things, and Theo’s really not sure why.

At first, it was a slow progression, one that didn’t seem like progression at all. After the first pack movie night Theo decided to go to, a week passed with no talks of inviting him over anymore. During that week, Theo wonders absently if he did something wrong while he was there and if Liam decided it was a mistake to invite him. That’s before he tells himself that thinking like that is useless and he shouldn’t have put himself in the position to have to worry about it in the first place.

But then, Theo’s standing around after a lacrosse game, hands in his pockets as he calculates how much longer he has to stay, and Liam walks right up to him. “We’re gonna go get pizza,” Liam says. “Come on.”

It’s not even a question, and Theo would be lying if he says he isn’t a little stunned by it, so stunned that he just watches as Liam walks away without another word. He follows after him, his thoughts of going right back to his truck forgotten, and waits for him, Corey, and Nolan outside the locker room with Mason and Alec. There, they talk about the game, even though it’s more like Alec and Mason talking at him with Theo just listening. Afterwards, they go to a pizza place, and Theo tries not to look at the way Liam’s drying hair hangs in little spikes in his face. He needs a haircut. Theo would still be fine with it if he didn’t, though.

Then, it’s only two days later on a Monday morning when Liam asks him if he wants to join them for coffee after school, since the full moon is soon and they really need a cram session for this Wendigo stuff. The cafe is small and what someone who isn’t Theo might even call “cute,” and Liam, Alec and him sit down at a table in the corner. Theo isn’t going to get anything at first, since he’s still saving up for a nicer blanket, but Liam buys him a muffin and a coffee and won’t let him pay him back. On any other occasion, Theo would’ve rejected it or found some way to sneak money back into Liam’s bag, but he skipped lunch that day, and his stomach growls too loud to hide how hungry he is. Plus, he’s still saving for that blanket, so he could use the three dollars.

And after that, the next Friday night, Liam simply asks him to come over. When Theo asks him why, he stammers a little and tells him that Theo’s so much better at the biology assignments than he is, and he really needs help. Theo wants to say no, but Liam keeps inviting him places on Fridays when he’s off work, and he also really  _ doesn’t _ want to say no. He still makes a show of rolling his eyes as he “hesitantly” agrees, though

Theo’s not sure what he’s expecting when he comes into Liam’s house after school, but it’s not this. For one thing, it’s quiet since Liam’s parents aren’t home from work yet, and there’s no chatter from Mason, Corey, Nolan, or Alec to cut the silence. It’s just the two of them alone in the house, and that makes him nervous in a way it shouldn’t.

“What do you need help on?” Theo asks admittedly rather bluntly when the tentative silence sends an uncomfortable feeling to the back of his neck. 

Liam’s cheeks turn red, which they seem to do at the drop of a hat, so he doesn’t bother trying to analyze it. “Oh, uh,” Liam stutters, suddenly getting into motion and walking towards the stairs. “It’s the, uh, phenotype and genotype stuff. Come on, it’s more comfortable up here,” Liam says, heading up the stairs.

Just like his house, Liam’s room feels and looks a lot different when it’s just the two of them in there. It looks like the kind of room a kid whose mother married a doctor would have, but there are touches of Liam here and there. There’s posters of Liam’s favorite bands on the wall over his bed, a bookshelf with more random objects than there are books, and the customary mess hidden by kicking things under the bed and into the closet that’s found in a high school senior’s bedroom. Still, it looks like Liam’s made the effort to clean up before he got there.

While Theo hangs back in the doorway at first, Liam tosses his biology textbook and a notebook on the bed, then flops on it none-too-gracefully so he’s laying across the top part of the queen-size bed. He pulls a pillow from behind him and shoves it under his chest, getting comfortable. Theo watches with slight amusement as he moves around, laying on his stomach and on the bed the wrong way, until Liam raises an eyebrow at him.

Theo gets on the bed less like an animal, feels weird about it as he does, and then resists the urge to sink into the mattress with a held-back groan. Liam’s bed is just so soft, and there’s that  _ blanket _ again, just sitting there on top of the comforter and calling out for him. He gives his head a tiny shake and snaps out of it. “We should get started,” He says, nodding towards Liam’s textbook that he has yet to open.

Liam really  _ does _ need help with the biology work, but Theo doesn’t get why he couldn’t have just asked Mason for it. Theo’s grade in the class might be better, but Mason would be the less awkward option to ask for help from. He’d probably even like doing it.

Theo doesn’t  _ like _ biology, he’s just good at it. He has a perfect 100 in the class not because he  _ likes _ it, but because he  _ knows _ it. It’s all he was allowed to read when he was growing up and before he was released out into Beacon Hills at seventeen to cause hell on Earth, so, yeah. Theo has a certain affinity for knowing the terms and definitions, since it fit right in with the Dread Doctors’ agenda of turning him into a walking science experiment.

Of course, Liam doesn’t know that, and he  _ won’t _ know that. There’s no reason to tell him, since he doesn’t ask. It’s not like Theo would tell him even if he did. He tries not to bring those things up as much as he can get away with. It makes everything easier for them to pretend they forget.

They get done with Liam's biology worksheet, and Theo eyes his own schoolbag on the floor, already planning to make his way out. Liam doesn’t let him, as usual. “You want to watch a movie or something?” Liam asks, already turning on the TV on the wall and flipping through titles on Netflix.

Theo thinks about it for a second. It’s really a bad idea to stay, especially on a bed like this. Even laying towards the end, he can already see himself falling to sleep right there, which would only end badly and be hard to explain afterwards, especially if he started freaking out like he does sometimes. Still, Liam seems set in his ways and is acting like Theo’s already said yes, so he puts his concerns aside for a minute and nods.

Liam stays sitting up against the headboard while Theo lays on his side, allowing himself to put his head down on the bed. His forehead is brushing that fluffy blanket, and it’s way too soft against skin used to the dusty, fuzzy interior of his back seats. Above him, the TV starts playing a movie Theo doesn’t recognize as he tells himself that he’s not going to fall asleep. 

_ I’m not going to fall asleep here,  _ He tells himself fifteen minutes into the movie as the explosions onscreen start to sound far away and his eyelids are drooping.  _ I can’t fall asleep here. Don’t fall asleep here. _

But Theo hasn’t slept on a bed, let alone one this comfortable, since he was in elementary school. He’s still telling himself he can’t, but what he  _ really _ can’t do is stop himself from drifting off surrounded by the soft scent of blankets that smell like Liam.

+++

The movie’s been off for a few hours now, and Theo’s been out for just as long. As soon as Liam heard the first quiet snore come from Theo, he’d turned the volume all the way down, and eventually, the movie cycled out into end credits. 

Sitting on the bedside table is a paper plate with two grilled-cheese sandwiches wrapped in aluminum foil to keep warm. While Theo was asleep, Liam managed to sneak out of his room quietly enough to make his way down to the kitchen. He made three sandwiches, one for him and the other two for Theo when he woke up, and carried them back up to his room to wait with. 

After he found out Theo’s been staying in his car, he’s been able to tell how skinny he’s gotten compared to what he used to be. Theo still works out, so the muscle definition is still there, but that’s not enough to keep his ribs from showing when he wears a shirt too tight or too thin. It would make Liam feel a thousand times better to know that he’s eaten something with calories that will fill him up for a while.

It would make him feel a  _ million _ times better if he manages to pull this off. As he watches Theo sleep peacefully, he can’t help but feel like he doesn’t regret this decision at all.

Inviting Theo was a trap, plain and simple. Sure, he needed the help on the biology assignment, but that was never the objective of today. A few days prior, he’d talked everything out with his parents. They had a guest room across the hall from Liam’s bedroom and more than enough to have an extra mouth to feed in the house, and since they know how important Theo is to him, Jenna and David, his mother and stepfather, hadn’t needed much convincing to allow Theo into their home. Everything is set up already. Now all that’s left is for Theo to wake up.

Liam’s not in any particular rush, though. Theo’s sleeping as though he hasn’t slept in years, and he’s not in a hurry to mess that up for him. While he waits, he listens to the sounds of his parents moving quietly downstairs - they know about the supernatural and that Theo might wake up if they’re too loud - as they prepare their own dinner.

It’s not until an hour later, when the sun is completely down and the room is a lot darker than it had been when Theo fell asleep, when Theo stops sleeping so peacefully. His face is turned away from Liam, so he can’t see his expression from where he’s sitting, but Liam notices a twitch in his shoulder and another in his leg. 

Liam almost chalks it up to regular movement, but then Theo honest-to-God  _ whimpers _ , and Liam feels his heart drop out of his chest. 

Among the entries he wasn’t supposed to read was one from April 18th, one that Liam had gotten stuck on back when he had read it the first time.

_ “May 6, 2018 _ _   
_ _ I’m writing this one at 1:34 in the morning because I can’t sleep. I woke up again from another one of those tara-related nightmares, and I couldn’t go back to sleep. This one felt a lot more real than the others. Usually the pain stops as soon as I wake up, but it hasn’t faded yet. My chest hurts.” _

It’s a shorter one, but he’d still read it over at least ten times before turning the page. Theo has nightmares, regularly if his words are anything to go off of, and he’s having one right now.

Slowly and carefully, Liam slides towards the end of the bed Theo’s on. “Theo,” He whispers to no avail. He leans closer to his ear. “Theo?” Theo whimpers and twitches again, his heartbeat starting to kick up faster and faster in his sleep. The whispering is only making it worse. “Hey, Theo,  _ Theo _ ,” Liam says at normal volume. When it still doesn’t do anything and he notices sweat beading on Theo’s forehead, Liam resorts to touch. 

He cups one hand over the shoulder Theo isn’t lying on, then promptly jumps out of the way when Theo jerks violently. Theo heaves in one breath and holds it, looking around and blinking the sleep out of his eyes. “Hey,” Liam says softly, trying to bring him back to Earth.

Theo turns to him, and once Liam sees his face, he feels his heart breaking. His eyes are full of fear and uncertainty, plus the added kick of confusion at waking up in an unfamiliar place with  _ Liam _ of all people. Theo’s so unguarded that in this rare moment, he reaches up to his chest and rubs.  _ What if it hurts? _ Liam wonders, and he feels his own chest constrict at the thought. 

He aches to reach out and touch, bring him back to reality and rub his back until he knows he’s okay, but he knows he shouldn’t. Theo’s never reacted well to touch, not from anyone, so it wouldn't be what he needs now. “You’re okay,” Liam says gently instead, knowing that he’s still on thin ice. Luckily, and sadly, Theo is still too out of it to protest anything. Liam hands him the glass of water he also poured for him.

Theo takes sips of the water, sitting up in bed and blinking at himself like he’s not sure why he’s doing what he’s doing. Liam knows exactly how he must feel. When he used to get nightmares about the berserkers back when he was first turned, he’d always wake up and feel like time and reality was altered, like he was submerged in some thick jelly that he could only move slowly and blearily through. It’s a disgusting, dizzy feeling where you can’t even think, but it’s also the only opportunity Liam has. Although he hadn’t been planning to catch Theo after a nightmare like he is, it still works.

“You fell asleep,” Liam says. Theo’s just holding the glass of water to his lips now, not drinking, but not putting it down like he’s not sure if he wants it. “I, um. I went out to your truck to see if there was anything I could bring in for you. You know, like, a phone charger or something,” He explains. He watches as Theo slowly realizes what that means; what Liam knows. “You left your pillow in the backseat.” Nothing he’s saying is technically a lie, so his heartbeat doesn’t stutter, not that Theo would be able to pick it up either way in his state. Now feels like the perfect time to reach out and touch Theo’s arm, rub it up and down and help him take off the jacket he’s still wearing, but he doesn’t. “Stay here.”

Theo looks like he wants to fight it, but he’s too tired, just as Liam knew he would be. Instead of answering at first, he stares off into space, his eyelids droopy and half-closed, then nods a minute later.

Liam stands up, just hoping that Theo will follow him. Thankfully, he does. Liam grabs the plate off his nightstand, and Theo follows him with trudging steps across the hall, his glass of water held in both hands like a child. Liam almost malfunctions. He hadn’t expected Theo to go so easily. 

He can tell he’s exhausted by the way he sits on the guest room bed without any question, still holding the glass in his hands and peering down into it tiredly. “Eat this,” Liam says softly, handing him the plate and taking Theo’s now-empty glass to refill. “There are spare toothbrushes in one of the drawers in the side table for when you want to go back to sleep.”

Liam only leaves for a second to get more water and grab an extra blanket from his room, the fluffy one he usually sleeps with, and comes back to find Theo slowly and confusedly chewing on one half of a sandwich. He’s so out of it that it hurts to watch, but if this is how it has to be, Liam’s fine with it.

Liam’s okay with any way he can get Theo to stay, even through subtle manipulation. Grilled cheese never hurt anybody, anyway.

+++

_ “May 30, 2018 _ _   
_ _ I’ve gotten myself stuck here and now I don’t know how to get out. Liam and his parents have offered me a place to stay in their guest room, which I really shouldn’t have taken. It might be a solution to some of my problems, but I don’t belong here. I feel like I’m going to get in the way if I even step foot in the hallway. I already know Liam will try to say that it’s okay and that he offered, but I’m not buying it.  _ _   
_ _ Last night I came over to his house to help him with his biology homework, I fell asleep on his bed, and I had a nightmare right in front of him, which is pretty much exactly what I’d been trying to avoid. Either way, I gave myself away, and now I’m tucked under a million blankets. He gave me the soft one. I wonder if he knows how much I like that one.  _ _   
_ _ I can hear him in his room getting dressed. I don’t know how long I’ll have until he comes looking for me, so I’m stopping here.” _

+++

It’s not as though Theo expects Liam to rescind his offer to let him stay with them; Liam is far too infuriatingly kind to do that, and apparently so are his mother and stepfather. However, he’s still more than slightly surprised when all he’s greeted with are smiles when Liam drags him downstairs into the kitchen. Jenna and David shake his hand as he tries not to look suspicious, not a hint of judgment in their eyes. “There are pancakes on the counter,” Jenna says, nodding over to the space next to the stove. “Take as many as you want.”

That’s how it is for the first few days, and Theo’s both hesitant about it yet way too willing to fall into the routine. Liam’s family are early risers, meaning someone’s already made breakfast by the time Theo gets done catching up on some much-needed sleep, so he’ll join them for breakfast. Lunch is a fend-for-yourself kind of thing, and Liam has to continuously tell him that he doesn’t have to wait for anyone else and he can eat whenever and whatever he wants. Dinner is usually David’s job on weekends, and Liam helps with that. No matter what it is, Theo doesn’t complain, not that he would want to. The food is good every time, and it’s way more than Theo has eaten at a time in years.

Then there’s Liam’s family and their routine. Weekends are generally quiet and calm, everyone keeping to themselves for most of the day and gathering together at dinner. Jenna will sit on the couch in the living room with her laptop, answering emails on a busy work schedule even on a Sunday, David spends a lot of time relaxing and recovering from shifts at the hospital, and Theo tries not to get in their way as much as he possibly can. Even though Jenna and David don’t move with any sort of purpose on the weekends, Theo still feels like he’s interrupting something by being in the same room. Most of the time, Theo stays in the guest room, taking the new luxury of showering every day and using an always fully-charged phone.

And then, most importantly of all, is Liam. Theo can tell how much Liam wants to check up on him, but for the most part, he does a good job of letting Theo keep to himself. At first, Theo felt sort of smothered by all the attention Liam gave him, always checking in and giving him more things that he didn’t really need, but it’s helpful. Theo’s not sure what to do when Liam isn’t around offering some sort of activity, so he’ll always take him up on the offer to play Mario Kart or watch an episode of a TV show with him. They lay on Liam’s bed and Theo will try not to fall all into the way the entire room smells like Liam. 

  
  


After his first weekend in the Dunbar-Geyer house, Theo does end up picking up Liam’s scent. He notices it when they go to school and Theo realizes that his shirt smells like Liam, and not only because of his laundry detergent.

Liam’s also apparently taken it upon himself to tell the members of his pack that Theo’s living with him now, since they don’t even bat an eye when Liam mentions it. Theo’s not quite sure if he’s grateful or not for that. On one hand, it saves him the need to tell them himself, but on the other, now they all seem to pity him for having been homeless. That’s probably the worst part of it all - the pity.

But it gets better. 

While he’s living with the Dunbar-Geyers, Theo slowly gains some healthy weight back and doesn’t feel so tired all the time. He’s not constantly jolted awake at night by a deputy telling him to move his truck or his nightmares. In fact, his nightmares almost cease entirely. Before, back when he laid on truck seats curled up in an uncomfortable ball, he used to get them almost every night. Now, he’s gone entire weeks without even one popping up. 

He knows that he has Liam to thank for all of this.

He has Liam to thank for so much. If it wasn’t for him, he wouldn’t have been up and walking around in the first place, still stuck underground  _ living _ those nightmares. Without Liam, he wouldn’t have been taken in somewhere, and the constant tightness in his chest would still be pulling at him with every breath he takes. 

He doesn’t understand why Liam always feels the need to show him such kindness. The constant attention and care isn’t something Theo ever thought he would like before, but instead of making him feel coddled and babied, it makes him feel like he has something to really wake up for again. He looks forward to waking up in the mornings because he knows Liam is going to ask him to play a round of Mario Kart with him, and that they’ll sit next to each other at breakfast and dinner and their elbows will bump together. 

Theo knows what that means. He’s known what he’s felt for Liam from the very beginning. The only difference now is that it’s harder to ignore it, since they’re under the same roof, and, well...

He has Liam to thank for so much, but he just doesn’t know how to do it. He doesn’t know how to  _ describe _ the lit-up, warm feeling in his chest that’s been roaring up even stronger than it’s been before, either. 

So he does the one thing he can do, what his therapist had wanted him to when she gave him the book. He takes his journal off the desk across from his bed and starts a new page for _ June 13th.  _

It doesn’t even occur to him that his school year is almost over, and that in only seven days, his plans to take off are supposed to be in motion.

+++

The night of Liam’s high school graduation is just as momentous as he’s always imagined. The superintendent tells the crowd to hold their cheers for after everyone had walked the stage, but of course, Liam’s family don’t listen to that at all. His grandparents and some of his aunts, uncles, and cousins are there, so they make a big noise from their place in the crowd. Liam has to laugh as he takes his diploma and shakes his principal’s hand, shaking his head lightly to himself. He walks the stage after Corey, but before Mason, Nolan, and Theo.

Out of the five of them, Theo is the last one to walk the stage. Liam’s noticed that Theo’s walking with purpose and comfort lately, and the same goes for when he gets in front of everyone. Liam’s family cheers for Theo just as loudly as they did for Liam, and from where Liam’s sitting, he cups his hands over his mouth and yells so loudly he hurts his throat a little. He even sees Theo roll his eyes a little, but it’s lighthearted. Theo’s eyerolls stopped being rude months ago.

Liam visits his family and gets his congratulations as soon as he’s allowed to, but once he’s done, he goes to find his friends. This is their last night of being high schoolers together, and he has every intention of making it last as long as he possibly can.

Over towards the stage, Corey’s mother is taking a picture of him and Mason with their arms wrapped around each other. Liam barely wastes any time after the camera goes down and just about jumps onto Mason’s back to startle him. They jostle each other around and groan playfully, Nolan and Alec joining the mix a minute later. It’s one big group hug that Liam already knows their families are taking a million pictures of, but he doesn’t care.

“God, I can’t believe you guys are actually  _ graduating _ ,” Alec huffs, grinning although his eyes are red-rimmed and sad. “What the hell am I supposed to do for the next two years?”

They make sure to hug Alec extra tight after that one.

When they break apart and start talking about a million things all at once, Liam looks around at all of them and smiles. Mason’s arm is wrapped around his neck and they all keep excitedly punching each other, so there’s a lot to focus on, but Liam’s only thinking about one thing a second later. “Wait, wait, we’re missing somebody,” Liam interrupts before they can continue their celebration.

Standing off to the side, talking politely to Liam’s stepfather, is Theo. He looks perfect and almost innocent in his maroon-colored grad gown and cap, and Liam can’t help but think that this is where he was meant to be all along; graduating with the rest of them. His entire body feels like it lights up with happiness at seeing Theo there, but he needs him by his side. “Theo!” Liam calls out with a smile. Theo looks over at him in surprise, and gives him a small nod. Liam rolls his eyes lightheartedly and shakes his head. “Get  _ over _ here!”

Theo looks hesitant for a minute, but David urges him on, and he walks over a second later. Liam grins so widely it almost hurts as Theo joins the rest of the group, who all smile at him when he comes over. 

“Picture, guys, picture!” Jenna calls out above the commotion, holding up her phone. The other moms all follow along, taking their own phones out to dote over their sons.

Without thinking about it, Liam reaches out and pulls Theo closer to his side, his arm wrapping around Theo’s narrow waist. Theo raises his eyebrows and catches his balance, but Liam doesn’t miss the amused, or dare he say happy smile as he adjusts himself. Theo’s arm even goes naturally around Liam’s shoulder, and it’s the best feeling in the world.

_ This is definitely where they’re meant to be _ , Liam thinks to himself as he smiles for the picture. All he can feel is Theo’s body against his, the feeling of it not being from a punch or a shove, not from an enemy and more from a  _ friend _ . His mind is jumping from a million different things, but it always hops back to Theo.

It’s not helped when they break apart and Jenna doesn’t let them stay for long. “Okay, wait, now one for just my boys,” She says, waving Liam and Theo back together before Liam even has the chance to take his arm off of him. 

He sees Theo’s face shift into something both endearing and heartbreaking when Jenna calls them  _ “her boys. _ ” His contented smile slips off for just a second, turning into something a lot more confused before he manages to get it in check again. 

Liam wraps his arm around Theo extra tight that time, just to tell him that it’s true.

The pictures Jenna takes of the two of them together are definitely going up on Liam’s corkboard, whether Theo wants them to or not. He decides it right then.

+++

All Theo can do when he gets back to the house is sit on the edge of the bed and think for awhile.

He sits on the very end, his feet on the floor and his elbows resting on his knees. It’s a little uncomfortable, since he’s still wearing the grad gown, unzipped in the front and revealing the dress shirt and pants Jenna hadn’t let him refuse when she offered, but he hasn’t been able to bring himself to take anything fully off. He just  _ graduated high school, _ and considering who he is, that’s a pretty big deal.

He wasn’t in hell this time last year, but he definitely wasn’t in a place where he would have considered going back to  _ school _ , either. This time last year, he was only about a month out of hell and still trying to figure out the best places to park his truck in order to not get caught. He wasn’t going to therapy, he wasn’t enrolled in school, and he wasn’t even  _ sort of _ friends with Liam. Theo doesn’t make a habit of it to reminisce, since there are so many bad memories reminding him that he shouldn't have the privilege of praising himself, but even he can admit that he’s come a long way.

  
He’ll have a lot to write about tonight.

It’s been around twenty minutes since he and Liam got back to the house. Downstairs, he can hear Jenna’s muffled voice ordering way too much pizza for the four of them to eat and the clattering of plates from David setting the table. It’s all he’s listening to, zoned out, until Liam’s knuckles rap on the doorframe and he comes back to attention.

Liam has one of those small smiles on his face that Theo tries so hard not to love, and he’s changed into more comfortable clothes. His hand is still raised, knuckles resting against the wood, when he nods at him. “Hey,” Liam says simply. 

Theo feels a smile pull at his lips without his permission, one that he keeps as small as he can. “Hey,” He replies, his voice a lot softer than intended. Liam doesn’t seem to mind. He can tell neither one knows what to say, so he takes the next step, using some of the courage he’s been able to gather up since he started living with Liam. “Big night, huh?”

Liam laughs in a way that sounds more like a breath and he nods, stepping into the room and looking around. “Yeah,” He agrees. “I’m sure Nolan and Alec are still inconsolable,” He says, going for humor but coming up short in the way his voice stays kind and thoughtful. It makes Theo’s heart jump in a way it shouldn’t. It makes Theo think back to how nice it was to have Liam’s arm around him. Liam’s voice sounding like it does gives him the same kind of warm feeling in his chest and stomach. “I’m really glad you were here with us tonight.”

  
And God,  _ that _ doesn’t help. Theo feels all of the conflicting emotions and anxieties clash within him, and he can tell that it shows on his face, but weirdly enough, he’s fine with it. After a night like tonight, everyone’s bound to feel a little sentimental. “Yeah,” Theo says quietly, rubbing his thumb over his kneecap. “Me too.”

He’s not lying. A few months ago, before he and Liam and the rest of the pack had gotten so close, he had been planning on getting out of there for good. It hadn’t been something he merely considered, either - it had been a sure thing. By now, he would’ve said goodbye to Liam and the others with no intention of ever seeing them again, as much as it may have hurt, and left with everything he owned in the bag in the backseat of his truck. It’s not like that part would’ve been hard, either. Back then, he didn’t have drawers that were slowly but surely filling up with more and more clothes that Jenna and Liam sneak in, and his stomach would still be used to the constant emptiness. It would’ve been hard to say goodbye to Liam, since even then, he’d been good to him. 

But now, it would be so hard that he’d forgotten about leaving  _ entirely _ . There was no way he could just up and go, not after things had suddenly progressed so far. All the thought is now is a page in the journal from weeks and weeks ago.

As if Liam can read his mind, he smiles a little bit bigger. “I’m glad you decided to stay.”

Theo nods, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he looks at the hardwood floor between his knees. “Yeah,” He agrees, thinking about what he would’ve missed if he really did leave. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Liam turn to leave.

It only takes Liam a second to say those six words, but it takes Theo a little longer to process what he actually means. Once he gets it, however, he feels like his entire body has jolted to a stop as something occurs to him. 

“...I never told you I was planning on leaving.”

Liam stops in the middle of the doorway, his body stiffening, and if that’s not enough of a confirmation, his face definitely is. Liam turns back to him, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, and Theo feels his blood run cold.

“I-” Liam stammers, his eyes blown wide. Theo looks from him to the journal sitting on his desk as a sickening feeling of dread and realization settles itself in his stomach.

Theo can’t help it. He lets out a huff of breath through his mouth that sends his entire body moving, an incredulous smile on his face coming before the anger. “ _ You- _ ” He breathes, but Liam’s not done floundering. 

“I-I could just tell by the way you talked, Theo, you always  _ looked _ like you wanted to get out of here-”

“You  _ read _ it,” Theo says, shaking his head to himself. He stares right ahead of him at the desk and the journal sitting on top of it, but out of his peripheral vision, he can see Liam’s tense body slump as it gives up on the ruse. “ _ Oh my God _ .”

“No, Theo, I  _ swear _ I didn’t mean to-”

“You didn’t  _ mean _ to?” Theo demands, looking at Liam like he’s grown a second head, because in the world they live in, that would make more sense. “ _ Fuck _ , Liam, you didn’t  _ mean _ to?”

Liam shakes his head frantically, trying to come closer. “Theo, I swear to God. You left it in with the library books and Nolan found it, and he tried to read it to me and I heard some concerning stuff, so I took it from him, and I-”

“Oh my God,” Theo repeats, shaking his head as he remembers everything he wrote in those pages, all of the things about the pack, his nightmares, his  _ homelessness _ . His vision goes blurry with unshed tears that he blinks back harshly, so hard that it hurts. “Oh my  _ God _ .”

Liam sits down on the bed and Theo pushes away from him, standing up. Liam looks up at him desperately, still shaking his head. “I wasn’t going to read it, I swear. I  _ swear _ , Theo. I was going to sneak it back to you as soon as I could, but I  _ couldn’t _ . I was just so fucking  _ worried _ about what else you could’ve written in there that I had to make sure you weren’t going to try and do something stupid.”

Theo shakes his head again, lips parted in shock and awe. His eyes fall on the journal again, and he looks at it with such hatred that it should burst into flames just with his gaze. “All this time,” He says, not even looking at him. “All this time, you knew  _ every _ little secret I put into that piece of shit book. You knew how I felt about everyone, about  _ you _ ,  _ all _ this time, and you were  _ never _ going to tell me.”

“Theo,  _ no _ ,” Liam breathes. “No, it’s not  _ like _ that. I wasn’t trying to get  _ dirt _ on you or anything, I just wanted to see if there was anything I could  _ do- _ ”

“Is that supposed to make it any  _ better _ ?” He demands, his heart beating wildly. He feels out of control like he’s never been before, and it makes him want to run out and never come back. “Am I supposed to feel better that you didn’t even  _ care _ ? All of this was just you feeling  _ guilty _ . You  _ read _ about how I felt about your fucking pack and you  _ read _ about how I was homeless, so you started inviting me to things and talking to me and getting me to move into your house to make yourself  _ feel _ better about yourself. If you hadn’t gotten the proof, you wouldn’t have given a  _ shit _ about me, Liam. You wouldn’t have seen it coming when I left Beacon Hills and never came back if you hadn’t  _ known _ .” Liam looks like he wants to say something, but Theo won’t let him. He grabs the journal off the desk and holds it up with a tight hand. “And you did all of it,  _ all of it, _ knowing how I feel about you, and you didn’t bother to say a goddamn  _ thing _ .”

“That’s not how it is,” Liam protests, his voice cracking. “I  _ do _ care, Theo, if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have  _ tried _ ! Maybe I was guilty, but I would’ve cared if you  _ left _ !” He says, but Theo’s barely listening. “And I didn’t even read  _ all _ of it, I swear! I knew it was wrong! I don’t know what you’re talking about when you say all of that about what you  _ felt _ about me because I only read a few pages!”

Theo does the only thing he knows how to when he’s met with a challenge - he gets aggressive. He takes the book in his hands and throws it at Liam’s chest so hard that if he were a human, it would bruise. “ _ Read _ it then!” He shouts as Liam looks at the journal that’s fallen into his lap. “I think my thoughts about you were pretty fucking clear on every page your name is on, but  _ read _ it. June 13th, since you somehow _ don’t know _ .”

Liam hesitates for a second, staring up at him in confusion, but Theo stares right back until he follows the orders. 

In that moment, Theo feels like it’s all over. It’s just as he predicted it to be when someone found the journal, and of course, it had to be the person he cares about the most who did. Liam flips through the pages with his thumb until he finds the corner of the page dated June 13th.

Theo’s so drained. When Liam finds the page, he feels defeated enough to come and sit down next to him, keeping a foot of space between them. As Liam starts to read, Theo shuts his eyes and focuses on breathing. 

His journal entries were never fun to write, but that one had been so easy. The words had flown so freely, and that’s part of what makes it stand out to him. That’s part of why he remembers exactly what he wrote on that page.

_ “June 13, 2018 _ _   
_ _ I’ve said before that I don’t know how to thank Liam for everything that he’s done for me, and I still don’t know how. The more I think about it, the more I remember doing, and I realize that I have so much more to credit him for besides just letting me stay with him for a while. _ _   
_ _ It’s not even just about what he’s physically done. I know that in some way, I would be able to swallow my pride and get the words together to thank him for all of the times he’s saved me from myself and anything, thank him for all the meals and the shelter and the clothes that he didn’t have to offer. There are words to describe the situation when someone treats you to something you can reach out and touch, but I don’t know what I would say about all of the things I can’t. _ _   
_ _ I might have the words to thank him for physically bringing me out of hell and letting me into his life, but there are no words to thank him for making me feel the way I do. There are no words to thank him for making me look forward to waking up in the morning and making me feel like I have a place here, even if it’s just a dream for a fleeting second. There are no words to thank him for thank him for thinking to provide me with things like meals and shelter and the nice blanket off his bed. There are no words to thank him for the warm feeling in my chest that I’ve never felt for real before, the kind that makes me want to see him more and more as days go by. All I can do is wonder how the hell I’m supposed to say any of that to him, because there are no words to thank him for any of that that aren’t just telling him in simple terms that I’ve been in love with him for months, and it’s only getting worse. _ _   
_ _ I sound like a poet. I resent that.” _

Theo has to look away halfway through the page; he can’t bear watching Liam as he reads any longer. Instead, he looks around his room. He was really starting to like it, too; starting to think of it as  _ his _ instead of the guest bedroom in Liam’s house. He wonders what he’s going to pack up first. He won’t be able to fit most of it in his truck. He’ll have to choose his favorites.

Next to him, Liam’s breaths are unsteady and shaky, but Theo ignores them. He’s waiting for Liam to punch him or push him away. Even worse, he’s waiting for Liam to walk out the door and let him go. If he does, Theo will.

He hears the journal shut minutes later, the leather cover thumping softly against the paper within. Liam’s heart is beating fast, the same pace as it’s been in the times that Theo’s been with him when they’ve almost died. It pains him to think that reading what he’s written provokes the same reaction as a near-death experience. Theo turns his head to look down between his knees again, trying his best not to see Liam at all.

“Right,” Theo mutters, because even though he feels like his heart has been taken from him in a different way, he can’t stand the silence. “So, I’ll just…”

He trails off, having nothing else to say. Instead of trying to come up with anything else, he closes his eyes, tilts his head down, and waits for the door to shut. 

It doesn’t come.

Theo barely has time to open his eyes before he feels a hand on the side of his jaw, turning his face so that Liam can come in as smoothly as ever and press their lips together. In Theo’s chest, fireworks go off, mixing thickly with the dark feeling of dread that’s been inside of him for what feels like hours. Liam’s lips are warm, soft, and insistent, moving against his both sweetly but firmly. 

If he didn’t know any better, Theo would’ve fallen right into the kiss. However, Theo’s guard is still up, no matter how weak, and it sends signals to his brain telling him that this is  _ wrong _ . Now more than ever, Theo wants to  _ cry _ .  _ Fuck _ . He’s still kissing Liam back like his lips are the air he needs to breathe, but he manages to take control of both of his hands and push Liam square in the chest.

Theo pushes off the bed as Liam falls backwards, the younger boy looking up at him in shocked alarm. Theo’s eyes swim with tears that threaten to fall, and he hates it. “ _ Don’t _ ,” He says, going for cold, but the weakness in his voice from a tight throat betrays him. “Don’t- What part of you doesn’t understand that I don’t need your  _ pity _ ?” He chokes, chest heaving. Liam gets up and starts walking towards him, but Theo can’t let himself fall for it. He backs up, taking one step backwards for each one Liam takes forwards. “Just...just let me  _ go _ .”

Theo feels his back hit the wall, completely cornered with Liam right up in front of him. He can barely see him through eyes blurred over with tears, but he knows exactly what Liam has on his face.  _ Pity _ . 

“ _ When _ are you going to get it?” Liam asks quietly, just above a whisper. Theo clenches his teeth and swallows back the lump in his throat. Liam tilts his head to the side, looking sad. “When are you going to get that nobody  _ hates _ you,” He breathes. In his own blue eyes, tears start to well up to match Theo’s. “You really thought for all this time that you weren’t a part of this pack? That y-you didn’t mean anything to us, to  _ me? _ That you could just leave after graduation and no one could  _ care _ ?” 

Theo has no idea what to do. In every single outcome of this confrontation he’d imagined, he’d never been prepared for one where  _ Liam’s _ tears fall before his own. They don’t stop coming after that, and Liam’s voice is strained and tight as he cries right in front of him. 

“You never told me _anything_ ,” Liam says, jabbing him in the shoulder in a way that can only be described as desperate. “You- you never _told_ me that you really felt like you didn’t _belong_ here, and that you weren’t on the outside of everything by _choice_. I didn’t _know_ before that you were on your own this whole time without anyone to help you, which is all that I’ve wanted to do since we got you back. So _yes_ , I _read_ your journal, and I _helped_ you _after_ that, and I felt _guilty_ , but that was only because I didn’t _see_ _it_ before, and that was my _fault_. All I wanted to do was make you finally feel like you belonged somewhere, and _I_ wasn’t doing a good enough job of that,” He chokes, looking Theo right in the eyes as Theo shakes. “And it fucking _hurt_ , because that’s all I wanted. I wanted you to feel like you _meant_ something to me, because you _do_. I have been _in_ _love_ _with_ _you_ for _months_ , Theo.” Silence hangs between them. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not. Doing this was the very _least_ I could do for you, and if you hate me forever after this, then I’ll deal with it.”

Never in a million years did Theo think that he would be in a position like this, but here he is. Liam’s standing barely a foot in front of him, words hanging in the air with the ball in Theo’s court, and there’s only one thing he can do.

It’s shaky and unpracticed, but he puts his hand on the back of Liam’s head, and Liam meets him halfway. Their lips meet, and this time, Theo lets himself feel all of it. The only thing stopping him is trying his hardest not to cry in the middle of kissing him, because he can’t let anything interrupt this.

Their cheeks are wet from shared tears and it’s clumsy as their hands grab at each other desperately looking for a place to stay, but Theo can’t imagine anything better. Liam’s tongue slides along the seam of his lips, and Theo lets him in, but that’s the final straw. He can’t help the choked, broken breath that leaves his body jolting, and he pulls away to clap a hand over his mouth. He shuts his eyes tightly and leans back, feeling his chest start to ache and constrict painfully with cut-off sobs. 

Liam’s not far behind. He’s nodding, as Theo can feel against his chest. He leans in, kisses Theo’s neck, and then buries his face in the space between his shoulder and chin.

Theo can’t believe where he is. It takes him a good few minutes to get a handle on it, taking gasping breaths of air to bring himself back to Earth as his hands clutch at Liam’s back. “I-I,” He struggles, for once in his life at a loss for words.

“Shh,” Liam whispers against Theo’s skin, reaching for one of his hands and intertwining their fingers for the first time. Theo wonders through the overwhelming warmth spreading through him from Liam holding him when Liam got to know him well enough that he already knows what Theo’s trying to say. “It’s okay.”

And since he was there to see Liam read all about the words Theo doesn’t know how to say, Theo takes the offer to stay quiet. He stays pressed against the wall, holding Liam as tightly to him as he possibly can. For now, this is good enough.

+++

The pizza arrives around twenty minutes later, and by then, they’ve gathered their thoughts enough to go downstairs to eat. Theo put himself back together and got out of his gown and dress shirt, and Liam took to it to make sure neither of them looked like they had been sobbing like they were. By the time they go downstairs, they’re collected enough to walk into the kitchen by each other’s sides.

“...Everything okay?” Jenna asks when she sees them, raising an eyebrow and cracking open a pizza box. Both of them laugh breathlessly. It hadn’t taken a supernatural to hear all the commotion that had gone on upstairs. “What happened?”

Liam breathes in deeply, smelling the pizza, his home, and Theo next to him. “...I read Theo’s journal,” He says as the simple version. Jenna and David both give him unimpressed, disappointed looks.

“ _ Liam _ ,” Jenna sighs exasperatedly and shakes her head at him. “Theo, I’m sorry for my son’s idiotic behavior. I wasn’t aware he was raised in a  _ barn _ .”

Theo shakes his head and gives a tiny smile. “It’s alright.” As they sit down next to each other at the table, their hands find each other to hold. “It worked out a lot better than I thought it would.”

Liam smiles and squeezes his fingers.

+++

_ “July 10th, 2018  
_ _ As you may be able to tell by now, it’s been awhile since I’ve last written. I just haven’t felt the need to since the last time I saw you in person, so I’ve been letting it slip my mind. Honestly, it’s because I don’t think I need to anymore, and there is so much risk in continuing that I’m not willing to take. _ _   
_ _ I got very, very lucky when it came to the inevitable. Liam and his friends were the ones to find this journal back when I left it in the library in May, and although they are the best people to have found it, it still could’ve gone terribly. So while Liam finding my journal and reading it definitely solved some major problems and made me admittedly happier in the end, I’m not sure that I’d get so lucky next time. _ _   
_ _ I’m deciding that this will be my last entry. I’m sorry to disappoint. I know you wanted me to keep the journal for six months, but I can’t keep going. If it means the therapy track will take longer, I’m fine with that; I do still need therapy, which I’ll admit now. If it means I have to talk with you in person more often than I do now, I’m okay with that. But I do have conditions. _ _   
_ _ The only reason I’ve gotten better at talking things out is because of Liam, so he’ll be coming with me to appointments from now on. We’ve already talked it over, and he’s agreed, so it’s already a sure thing. Once again, if it makes the track slower I understand, but I’m not going forward without him, at least not for awhile. _ _   
_ __ Well, I guess after this, this is goodbye. Liam and I will see you next week to turn in this journal.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you sm for reading!!
> 
> This idea was originally going to be formatted a lot differently - I don't know how many of you are familiar with Instagram fan account-style au's, the ones made in the same format as an online comic, basically; i would have used screencaps of the characters and an app to add text overtop for dialogue. However, I thought I would be able to do a whole lot more to convey everyone's thoughts this way instead :) I'm glad I did, too. I had a nice time on this one!
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!!  
> \- Emma (grenadinepeach on tumblr)


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